


This Is How We Say I Love Yous

by KylosMistress



Series: Love is the healer [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 15:37:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13414326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KylosMistress/pseuds/KylosMistress
Summary: One-shot fic retelling the events of the Third Force and Fourth Force connection (you know, Ben Solo shirtless) from Rey's perspective. And in this scenario, Rey can't swim





	This Is How We Say I Love Yous

I was walking through those hills. The training sessions were hard, still the worst were those force connections. He was right to question why the Force was connecting us. I don’t understand him. He’s like a weird looking machine I just couldn’t figure it out. We were enemies, weren’t we? And yet, in those two brief encounters he didn’t seem the monster from the forest. Talking to me, seems as if he’s interested in me. Of course, he wants revenge. I sense the air being sucked into a vortex. No sound, time stands still. It’s him again. I can’t face him right now:

“I’d rather not do this now”  
He sarcastically answers “Yeah, me too…”

As much as I should keep focused on my meditation, I can’t deny he’s too intriguing for me. So, against my better judgement. I pursue:

“Why did you kill your f—ath—er?” And there he is, standing in front of me. He’s not wearing his dark jacket. I can see him as for what he is. A man, I see his scars, I see the scars I inflicted on him. I see his gaze piercing my soul. And worst of all, I like what I see. He’s an attractive man. I like the way his sweat covers his torso. I can see how the muscles are defined and well distributed. He seems even more intimidating in his vulnerable state. I do my best to not dwell on it.   
“Do you have a cowl or something you can put on?” Oh, shit…. I shouldn’t have said that. 

He just looks at me, almost smirking at my dumb question. He knows I’m embarrassed and he likes the way I look at him. I cannot do this, so I ask:  
“Why did you hate your father? Give me an honest answer! You had a father who loved you, who gave a damn about you.”  
“I didn’t hate him” - He calmly answers, and that gaze. I know he’s being honest.   
“Then, why?” – I’m already in tears, is he still a monster? How could he do that?  
“Why, what? Say it” – He wants me to finish the question, even though he knows what I’m going to ask.   
“Why did you…. Why did you kill him? I don’t understand.” I’m torn, I’m almost furious at his calm. But this is my chance to understand this.   
“No? Your parents threw you away like garbage”  
I’m so over his attitude, that I only deny, although, I know he knows as much as I do he is right. 

“They did, but you can’t stop needing them. It’s your greatest weakness. You’re looking for them everywhere, in Han Solo, now in Skywalker. Did he tell you what happen that night?” 

Once more he asks me if he knows what happened on the night he had destroyed Luke’s temple. Why does he keep asking me that? I just say he did. 

“No, he didn’t. He sensed my powers, as he senses yours. And he feared it, raising his lightsaber to kill me.” 

I’m so shocked. I wanted to believe that he’s lying, but he isn’t. Luke had really tried to kill him, that could explain why Luke was so resistant to train me. Kylo just looks at me, he sees I am deflated, and he says:   
“Let the past die, kill it if you have to. It’s the only way to become what you’re meant to be”, and with that, his presence is gone. 

Kylo is right, I can’t let the past hold me back. I need answers. I need to break free from this cycle. Why have I been lingering on something that can’t really do anything for me or change who I am? 

I climb down the hills and go to that dark place. It’s still calling me. I am worried because I don’t know how long will be the fall. I try to rationalize how I’m going in. It’s too late because the darkness drags me in. 

I fall. I can’t tell for how long I’ve fallen until I hit the water. It’s cold, it’s hard. I don’t feel the pain from the crash, only my lungs fighting for air. I need air, I can’t move, I can’t breathe. I should have known, this is an island, I used to live in the desert, how would I know how to swim? I could use the Force and reach for Luke…

I can’t tell what exactly happened, I was fished out of the water. A big arm was around my body and it was keeping me afloat. Was it Luke? No, it wasn’t. I was trapped inside myself, but I am aware of what is happening. I lay on the floor, I feel my chest being pushed up and down. Lips breathing the air back into my lungs. I cough and open my eyes. He has saved me. Kylo. No, Ben.

I get up and walk towards this cave I can’t exactly explain how he had found me or how he could have known I was in danger. I want to thank him. He’s nowhere. I see myself in the crystal and I see my reflections being repeated, but I knew it wasn’t infinite. I know it would get me to what I’ve come to see.   
My parents. 

I touch the crystal and I see two silhouettes, one of a dark tall man, and another of a shorter woman. Who are they? They were as familiar as nobodies I can remember, still I couldn’t shake the fact that those two, were like… It’s not possible… it can’t be… Ben and me. What does that mean? 

“The belonging you are searching is not behind you, it’s ahead” Maz’s speech hits me to the core. Oh, no. 

Suddenly, the shadows combine, and they show my reflection. I’m all alone again. 

It’s freezing, and I go back to the hut as fast as I can light the bonfire and I wrap myself in a cowl to keep me warm. I can’t stand the loneliness, and as I feel the tears coming down to my eyes, he’s here. My hero. 

We just look at each other with so much to say and yet the weight of our emotions makes words sound unnecessary. I could stay all night in silence absorbing his presence. 

“Did you find what you’re looking for?” He breaks the silence and I can’t hold my surprise when he asks me that.  
“How did you know I was looking for something?”

He slightly chuckles and says: “You should have learned how to swim in this island. How can you go around not knowing how to swim?”

“I manage…” I give him a faint smile. I look at him, he’s with his regular clothes, but his poise is subdued, calm, he is here for me. Not only in connection, but his heart is here too.  
“I was supposed to be afraid. Looking at that never-ending mirror. However, it led somewhere, and I thought I’d have the answers I was looking for. But, I was wrong. I’ve never felt so alone.” 

I see him leaning closer to me, and he says: 

“You’re not alone”. His eyes meet mine and they burn with longing and caring. I feel protected and cherished under those amber eyes. I begin to think of all things I like about him. His dark low voice is so assuring and so soothing. My soul was about to break into thousands of pieces. I wasn’t alone anymore. I could count on him and I want him to know he can count on me too. I know him making sure that I wasn’t alone was more than just a friend would say to another friend. I feel the same and I want to tell him that. 

“Neither are you. It isn’t too late.” We just stare at each other. The world stands still. Tears fall from our eyes, things had never been so hard and so light. I lift my hand to touch him, but I don’t intrude on his space. I want him to know that he can come to me. He is my secret place and I’m telling that I am his with my hand lift in the air. He removes his glove and reaches my hand and delicately touches my hand. 

The emotion I feel from it, it’s something I can’t fully describe. I feel love, wonder, joy. I see our futures together. Fighting together, building a family together. I understand what Maz was saying. I don’t need my parents to show me my place. I have found it. 

We come closer, our connection is not only visual it’s also physical and much stronger than that night in the forest that I could feel his presence. We were longing for this for a very long time. I can’t pinpoint exactly when this feeling felt so right. I raise my hand to touch his scar.

“I shouldn’t have done this; can you forgive me?”  
“It’s forgotten, sweetheart” His breathing is becoming harder as it is mine. I can’t wait any longer, so I kiss his scar I wish that scar wasn’t there, but it was how we came to get together. 

I had never kissed a man before and I was losing my mind, I didn’t know what to do, or how to do it. We were so in sync that he knew what I needed. I needed time and I needed to be slow. His lips just brushed my lips lightly and he opens my mouth slowly touching my lips with his tongue. If only I knew how good this was, I would have done this before, but then again, it wouldn’t be as good it is.

We stand up, and we take off our clothes and look at ourselves. He was gorgeous and by the way, he looks back at me he is happy with what he sees in me. Our kisses become more frantic and when things were about to escalate to a new level, Luke is at the door looking at us horrified. We stop, but before I could do anything, Ben was gone, and I had to face the reality: that Luke had created Kylo Ren and he was no longer the man he used to be.


End file.
